I Want to Own the Land

I grew up in a small town in a house on a hill surrounded by mountains. Looking out over the valley filled with small communities nestled within the trees, were the slopes which were dotted with houses. As I aged, the numbers grew. My community was small. Once it thrived as a close-knit family where everyone knew each other. Now, since many from other communities have moved in, the heart beats slower each day. The faces grow different and distant each passing year. My grandmother once knew every child in our community; now she knows only a few.

Things and times change. Change is as inevitable as the rising of the sun or the movement of time. As a matter of fact, all of these activities require change for them to occur and be constant. Change can be messy and perfectly neat. Change can occur in so many forms. Yes there are constants, but things never remain the same. Change is the driving force of this universe. There is no balance or chaos without change. We must accept and embrace change.

I’ve accepted that my hometown will never be the same as I remember it. I’ve accepted that the faces and buildings I’ll see while walking from my childhood home to the corner store will always be different. I love my hometown, and I will continue to love it in-spite of the change and because of the change.

In loving my hometown, and my house on the hill, I have grown to love the open. Roaming through the fruit trees in my back and front yard or sitting under the huge orange tree at the front of my house has always grounded me. It provides a sense of peace, a sense of pride, a sense of belonging to the land.

I love nature. I love roaming through gardens and forests. I love the songs of birds and rustling of leaves with a gentle breeze which lifts the hairs on your skin oh so gently. I love the glistening of my skin in the sunshine as the rays pierce through the canopy of the trees to caress me. I love the curiosity of the animals as they scurry, hide and observe as you explore their home.

I want to buy the land to reclaim the value and the meaning. I want the land for my family. I want the land for my peace of mind.

I would love to have a farm. A few animals, a few plots for crops, some trees and a lake. During recent times it has become clear to me that I need to be involved in some form of physical work to offset the exhaust caused by constant academic pursuits. I want to get my hands dirty. I want to feel a sense of accomplishment when I harvest my crops and watch them grow. It’s important for me to feel connected to the land because of my rural backgrounds.

There is a limited amount of land available on this earth, so it is one of the best investments because they aren’t making any more of it. I want my children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren and all subsequent generations to have a place of their own in the world. I want them to branch out and explore, but still have a small place where their heart resides and they’ll always feel welcome, loved and at peace.

I want the land as my fore-mothers have wanted it. I need the land for me.

Karissa ♥

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Latest thoughts on being inspired

YouTube has become my preferred distributor of entertainment for the past few months. All throughout college, Netflix had served as my most beloved plug to waste away my time when I should have been studying. I think I’ve reached an impasse. I’ve watched the exciting movies and tv shows. I’ve watched the documentaries. I’ve watched the cartoons. I feel as though I’ve watched it all. I know I haven’t, but that’s the feeling I have. Somehow my love for Netflix has soured and turned my favorite into my second choice.

Maybe it’s because I feel more connected to the people in YouTube videos. It’s like having a conversation where they send you videos and you send yours back, but you don’t actually send them videos. In your mind, and sometimes out loud, you reply. It’d be creepy if you sent them videos.

Maybe it’s because I don’t have to commit to a 1.5 to 2 hr long movie. Even though I love long vlogs that I can put on and work to, I prefer shorter videos that are beautifully edited or filled with impactful content. Sometimes a little video of your daily happenings can be so beautiful if you string the scenes or angles together with a good bit of computer work.

My latest clutch has been Sha’an of Furry Little Peach because her videos provide tons of inspiration for a creative mind. I’ve noticed that since I’m so inspired there has been some transference of thought. It’s as if I’m so inspired that I think I can create in the same way she can, but I can’t. She is an amazing illustrator, and I am not.

It’s important to accept inspiration, but be able to discern ability. Do what you have the ability to do.

Try new things, and work with what works best for you.

Karissa ♥

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Change

 

the leaves outside my window fade

green leaches from the veins

replaced by red orange yellow

structure suffers decays

colder and colder still

downpour rinses stems and leaves

green stalks now ripe with age

prepare for incoming frost

leaves shake goodbye to tree and trunk

wind comes

lifeless limp leaves rain upon damp earth

now covered by dead foliage

red and green leaves

Karissa ♥

The apartment I need to have 

I wrote this all in one go. As the thoughts formed in my brain, I wrote them down. I want to share this private conversation I had in my mind with you.


I really want to have the apartment downtown, close to school, but I can’t afford it. I try to be honest with myself, but my wants and desires are stronger than my will for control.

I want to move out and be on my own like the many people who say they moved out early and made it work. I want to go through the struggle of not having much, but having the freedom of living alone. I’m not much for responsibility, but I want the responsibility of having a small home away from home. A way for me to test out living on my own. My grandma stayed at home, my mom stayed at home, I don’t want to stay at home. I want to break free from the generational hold and find new ground to explore. To set new standards.

I want the apartment close to school so I can be at peace knowing I don’t have an hour to 1.5 hrs commute to get back home. I want to not worry about how I’m going to get home when I need to stay at school to study or work or practice or just participate. All my life I’ve lived far from my educational institutions. I’ve never participated as much as I wanted or could have. Never lived up to my full potential in that aspect. I’m 21 years old, years young. I want to release myself from the shackles of the constant commute so that I am able to focus on excelling and not how I’ll make it home that night or day or morning.

I need the apartment for my own well-being. But I can’t afford that apartment. I can’t afford school, but I still apply because I need it for my future. I need this apartment so I have to figure out how to get it.

Karissa ♥

A Note on the Seasonal Nature of Life

We all have different ‘seasons’ or periods in our lives where we can’t understand the purpose of our current circumstances within the grand scheme of things. Sometimes we can only see the purpose or potential after the chapter has ended and the seasons have changed. Sometimes the purpose never becomes evident until we have accomplished some feat which grew out of the time of uncertainty.

As we age towards the end, we are increasingly faced with choices and responsibility for our lives and those around us, whether directly or indirectly. Choosing to purchase a doughnut will affect others who are also waiting in line, the cashier who will have to ring up your order, the store manager who will have to process your sale on the daily report, the factory or distributor who sells the starting products to the store and so many more. We are indeed all connected. Our actions are like force; when force is applied, an  opposite force pushes back. Life is not rigid, so the opposite push back force may be greater than your original force. The push back could either be in your favor or not depending on the action.

Our happiness and satisfaction in life is influenced 90% by our reactions and attitudes  and 10% by the actual events. Yes, there will be awful and disheartening events and actions taken against you, but how we choose to deal with them determines how stressful or stress-free our lives can be. It can be extremely difficult to see the silver lining or the good in a storm, but it is always there if you have the courage and patience to find it.

Be patient, be brave, be happy!

Karissa ♥

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On the Topic of Writing. A Jumble of Thoughts.

I think I should write. What should I write about? Should I conjure up a scene dripping with imagery or a simple story-line which ebbs and flows with an easy tone? Should I detail the happenings of my early morning commute with the bus driver and the construction? What about writing down my thoughts on my interactions with the people I’m surrounded by.

Decisions, decisions. I’ve never been good with making simple decisions. Lunch time is the worst. Ever since I started my new job, I’ve analyzed the map for places I can exchange money for prepared food. Catch me at my desk between 12 and 1 trying to decide what’s on the menu.

I’m trying out this new ‘adulting’ thing where you prepare and share out your food for the week or the next few days in tupperware and save it in the refrigerator. Each day you can easily grab a container and go, if you can commit to eating the same thing for the next few days. If you’re too lazy to make meals during the week, you’re probably too lazy to cook 2-3 different meals to  store in the microwave — lol I meant fridge — for the next few days. Plus think about all the dishes and pots that will have to be washed! O.o

This week’s menu consists of oatmeal with raisins for breakfast. I add the raisins in the morning while I pack my bag for the day. For lunch I have either baked chicken or curried goat which my dad so graciously made. I wouldn’t have made it for myself; I don’t know how. Some days I don’t feel like eating my pre-packaged nourishment, but a lack of enthusiasm to brave the outdoors and a matching lack of funds have kept me on track … for the most part.

How did I dive off into talking about lunch? My mind constantly races. Before I finish one thought, another forms, and so the links in the crazy chain come together. Ten minutes ago my brain was alight with ideas and words and phrases, now I’m struggling with what to say. The words I have, but the method of stringing them together has eluded me. Words have always been evasive to me in my literary journey. I have to write the words as soon as they slide from my brain to my tongue or else I’ll lose the will to write. It’s an all or nothing, in the moment phenom that I have grown to love.

Happy writing and reading!

Karissa ♥

How to Be an Introvert From a Certified Introvert!

Hello my beautiful friends! Read with an open mind, and I hope you laugh at least once 🙂


Welcome to Loners Anonymous. I am Karissa, a certified introvert. This meeting or forum is very similar to an AA meeting, with the main difference being our celebration of the topic of discussion instead of sharing stories of how to overcome it.

Now we’re all gathered here because we have come to the conclusion of our introvert status on our own or by the persuasion of others. I personally have always been attuned to my innate love of personal space and private time from a tender age, but some of us here may have grown into it.

Lets start by reviewing the definition of introvert to spice things up. A quick google search will show “a shy, reticent person”.

I take offense to this definition. I was shy as a child, but I have mostly outgrown this trait. I consider myself quite outspoken and outgoing if needs be. I still consider myself an introvert because 8.25 times out of 10, I prefer to be by myself. Not because I dislike people, events or places, but because I genuinely prefer to be alone.

Due to these feelings of mine, I more appreciate the definition listed below the aforementioned one. “A person predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things.” I agree, in a non-conceited way. Do you?

You might all want to ask “Well Karissa, when or how did you figure out that you were an introvert?”, and that’s a good question, even though I clearly answered it earlier, but thanks for asking. I’ve always had an inkling of my loner status. My lack of siblings and not growing up close to friends or cousins may have played a role. Either the main reason or a contributing factor. Who really knows?

Getting along with a wide range of people of many different backgrounds has never been a problem for me, but committing to social engagements with these amazing people has caused me some emotional turmoil in the past. Long story short, be honest with your emotions, but also be willing to step outside of your comfort zone to connect with another rocking soul. No more talk of turmoil or else we might need to join the AA meeting across the hall.

Let’s transition into speaking about various subtopics related to our main topic of Being an Introvert or Introversy or Introvertedness. The last 2 may not be real words, but they sound great, and convey a certain tone which captures the essence of the topic.

Flakiness

Others may throw stones or pick bones with you because sometimes you make plans and then cancel, but you don’t need that negativity in your life! True friends will understand that your emotional and mental state while agreeing to attend was altered, or better yet infected, by the excitement emitting from their own aura which changes your response patterns to your environment leaving you unable to comprehend that on that agreed date, you won’t want to participate.

This should not be a “every engagement occurrence” because you would probably never have friends. Show up enough to keep the friendship alive, but not too much to prompt more invitations. Balance is key.

Fire Meme Collection

You probably spend a sizable amount of time on social media. Is it a stretch for me to assume that you accumulate hilarious memes for fun? I don’t thinks so. Look upon your meme collection with pride as you ‘lol’, ‘lmao’, ‘dwfl’ and ‘rotfl’ away in public while submersed in the world of memes.

Bedroom Goals AF

As a registered introvert, you must declare a specific location dedicated to your private time. My preferred location is my bedroom, so I put a lot of effort into ensuring that it is as comfortable and to my liking as possible. You can’t hide away from everyone in a space you don’t like because you’ll never stay there, so it defeats the purpose. Pick a spot and decorate!

Hobbies Galore

Due to our lifestyle we have a lot of free time, so we have to find things to fill it with. Some may choose to stare at walls and ceilings all day, to each his own, but I prefer to keep my hands busy and my eyes moving. I enjoy a wide variety of things including scrolling, reading, writing, dancing, painting and sewing. Do you guys eat of of boredom as well? If I don’t keep busy, I’ll have to join the Over-eater’s Anonymous meeting across the street. One meeting a week is enough for me.

I think that’s enough talking from me since this is an open discussion. I’m opening up the floor to all of you to share your thoughts and opinions on the general topic or each subtopic, or anything you’d like.

Do you consider yourself an introvert? Why or why not? Have you always been this way? Do you face any challenges because of your status? Are there things you love about it? What advice would you give to a fellow introvert?

Don’t be afraid to share; remember we’re all introverts in here! ♥


As always, be happy and healthy!

Karissa 🙂

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